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On hiatus. New episodes return this summer to USA Network.
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Juliet: I need a psychic to read the sorority house. Can you come by tonight?
Shawn: Can we wear pajamas?
Juliet: No.
Shawn: Even better.
"Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast"
Season One - Episode 15
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 Title: Psych
Roles: Shawn (James) and Juliet (Maggie)
Network: USA
Year: 2006 - N/A
Status: Season Two
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© Copyright 2008 to shawnandjuliet.org. This site is not affiliated with James Roday, Maggie Lawson, Psych or USA Network. All graphics are copyrighted to this site unless otherwise stated. If you believe something should not be here, please contact me.
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» Index » Shawn & Juliet » Quotes
Shawn: Uh, excuse me. You're in my seat.
Juliet: Am I?
Shawn: Actually, yes, you are.
Juliet: You one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, and eat the same food every day?
Shawn: Uh, no, no, no, I was sitting right there three minutes ago, and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered a juice, and look, I made a crawling snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you're up to the job.
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Shawn: Ahh!
Gus: Shhh!
Shawn: I'm so sorry my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you.
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Juliet: Okay, Shawn, I'm gonna need you to do me a favor.
Shawn: Name it.
Juliet: Duck. (pulls out her gun)
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Shawn: (imitating Juliet) Oh, I like your jacket. I like it, I like it!
Juliet: Okay, can I stop you there? First off, in your portrayal of me, I sound like I'm in the eighth grade.
Shawn: Well, in my portrayal of you, you only have an eighth grade education. (Juliet laughs) Alright, uh... smarten you up. Uh, college? Yeah? Top of your class? Graduated early? Got it.
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(Shawn is having a "vision")
Vick: Why can't he ever just tell us to arrest someone?
Juliet: He does this a lot?
Lassiter, Vick: Yes.
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Shawn: My visions enslave me. I'm like a slave to my visions.
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"Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece" - 1x03
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Shawn: I made a list of suspects after attending Lassiter's briefing.
Gus: He let you into his briefing?
Shawn: He does when you're in the air shaft.
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Juliet: (About Shawn) You're not going to shoot him are you?
Lassiter: I haven't decided yet.
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Shawn: Are you gonna have some cookies?
Gus: NO!
Shawn: Do you wanna finish my banana?
Gus: I wanna leave.
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Shawn: Here, let me read your palm.
Juliet: How 'bout just one finger?
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Shawn: You know, I think you and I could help each other.
Juliet: And how would that be?
Shawn: Oh, I know things... about rings...
Juliet: Oh, I thought you were here for a wedding.
Shawn: I am... ish.
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Lassiter: Questions?
Juliet: Is this your only lead?
Lassiter: His responses to my interrogation were hostile at best.
Juliet: Clarify hostile.
Lassiter: Use my tone now as a guide.
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"Woman Seeking Dead Husband" - 1x04
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(talking about who authorized the stake-out)
Juliet: What about the 42.211?
Carlton: What about it?
Juliet: Well, it states that--
Carlton: It's superseded by a 15.75.
Juliet: Not necessarily.
Carlton: If you're in the jurisdiction of a 23.40, it is.
Juliet: ... maybe.
Carlton: Maybe?
Shawn: (pops up from back seat) Technically... 23.40 only applies in federal cases.
Carlton: What are you doing in here?
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Shawn: Look, the dead guy buried the money and then lost it. But that's beside the point. I think we can cut our losses, put these two back behind bars...if we work together.
Juliet: And how do we do that?
Shawn: First, we dress up as musketeers and make a very special pact.
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Gus: How much further is this place?
Shawn: Fifty, sixty miles.
Gus: Sixty miles? And you didn't get me a donut?
Shawn: I did get you a donut. And then I ate it.
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(O'Hara and Lassiter are examining the body in the car)
O'Hara: We're waiting for forensics to confirm, but it appears to be a suicide. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Asphyxiation.
Shawn: (holding the cat) Ooh, I'm afraid the cat doesn't think so.
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Juliet: The body's been here at least 3 days, maybe more, all signs point to an 11-44.
Lassiter: Three 11-44s in four months, must be something in the water.
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Juliet: That was amazing! How did you do that?
Lassiter: It was a lucky guess.
Shawn: Don't you get tired of saying that?
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"Weekend Warriors" - 1x06
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Vick: (about Lassiter) Shawn, unless you can give us a name, I'm afraid he's right this time.
Shawn: Fine. I'll get you a name. (to Lassiter) And I'm going to get you a woman. (exits)
Lassiter: Afraid he's right? (Vick shrugs) This time?
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Lassiter: This case is personal. One of my soldiers was killed on my watch and I, not you, am going to clean it up. We clear?
Shawn: I wouldn't have gone with something as traditional as "We clear?" You could have gone foreign. "Right, compadre?" "Capisce?" Could have had a little fun with it: "You dig my jist, sweet pants?" These are just suggestions.
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Receptionist: There is a Lieutenant Crunch here to see you.
Gus: Crunch?
(Shawn enters dressed in Civil War uniform)
Shawn: Actually, I've been promoted. It's Captain Crunch.
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"Who Ya Gonna Call?" - 1x07
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Lassiter: Do you knock?
Juliet: There's no door.
Lassiter: And?
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Gus: When I asked her her name, Shawn, she said, "My name... "
(Shawn cuts in with a high pitched voice)
Shawn: "My name is Wilting Flower, I died without knowing love, will you be my friend?"
Gus: H-How did you know that? I never told that to anyone before?!
Shawn: I was Wilting Flower! Gus! I can't believe you fell for that!
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"Shawn vs. The Red Phantom" - 1x08
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Juliet: You're not hired. I can't pay you. If it turns out there's something to it, I'll make sure you get put on the case. That's all I can do.
Shawn: Juliet, I'm quite sure we could work out some kind of services exchange. You see I like to do some sketching myself and sometimes I need a model.
Juliet: Huh! (gets up and walks from the room)
Shawn: Was that inappropriate? ...(to himself) Felt ok.
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Juliet: I don't ask questions i don't want to know the answers to.
Shawn: Then never ask your boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
Juliet: I don't have a sister.
Shawn: How about a boyfriend?
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Juliet: Where are you?
Shawn: On the phone, where are you?
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Juliet: Any progress?
Shawn: I picked up Malone's astral trail Ñ that's what it's called Ñ it leads to a hotel across from the convention center, room 428, oak door, can't miss it
Juliet: That's more specific than usual
Shawn: Sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood, now you won't find Malone, but I sense some seriously dark juju-mo-gumbo went down in there.
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Juliet: (handing Shawn her notebook) Take a look at that, tell me what you think.
Shawn: Flower doodle in the upper right-hand corner is excellent. This horse at the bottom doesn't look anything like My Little Pony.
Juliet: The writing, not the-- That's a dog. I draw when I get anxious.
Shawn: I think you made a wise decision not going into animation, Juliet.
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(Juliet on the phone with Shawn, who is in the chief's office.)
Juliet: Okay, you have five seconds to get your butt out of-- Actually, you know what? Stay right there.
Shawn: Oh, indecisive. I like that.
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Shawn: Simba I am your father.
Gus: Mufasa never said that.
Shawn: Mufasa, Vader, it's all James Earl Jones.
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Shawn: Captain Conners, how are you sir?
Conners: Look at you fellas, all grown up. How long's it been?
Shawn: About a day.
Gus: Less, actually.
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"From Earth To Starbucks" - 1x10
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Lassiter: Can I tell you a secret?
Shawn: I wouldn't recommend it. No.
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Shawn: I've been having this reoccurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of coco. His name is Clem. But.. YOUR dream was pretty interesting too.
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Lassiter: There is something I've got to get off my chest.
Shawn: Is it your shirt? Please say no.
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"He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead" - 1x11
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Shawn: (To Juliet's date Kyle) I'm sensing that you're gonna face a lot of ah, um, rejection.
Kyle: You mean work wise or...
Shawn: No, no, not work wise. Not work wise... you know what I'm gonna go.
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Lassiter: I'm not taking fashion tips from you.
Shawn: You need to show some chest hair, chicks dig the sternum bush.
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Juliet: I had no idea you were so serious about bowling.
Shawn: Quite serious, quite serious. Matter of fact, LEGO wants to sponsor me this year.
Juliet: Oh my god, that's great.
Shawn: They also want me to wear shoes made out of LEGOs, so I'm torn.
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Lorraine: This is a speed dating first! (to Shawn and Juliet) You and you are a 100 percent match from your personality questionnaires. I smell love!
Juliet: I need a drink.
Shawn: I gotta pee.
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"Cloudy... Chance of Murder" - 1x12
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Gus: (watching a sex tape of the weatherman) Do any of you make noises like that?
Shawn: His or hers?
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Shawn: (To Lassiter) Hey, Lassie, that really wasn't much of a put down. In fact, it was somewhat inspiring.
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Shawn: We're citing unfair suprisery!
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"Game Set... Muuurder" - 1x13
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Juliet: Shawn, I can't just give you a case because Gus is out of town this weekend and you're lonely.
Shawn: Fine, maybe together we can figure out how I can be less lonely. Wait, I'm getting something... baby oil. (Juliet walks away)
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Shawn: Look, without protection, you might as well just send the killer an invitation saying, "Hey, come on back, finish the job!" I wonder if they make invitations for that.
Juliet: I don't see why not. You can send an e-vite for anything.
Shawn: This is true.
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Juliet: Oh, one more thing, roosters don't cackle.
Shawn: I beg your pardon?
Juliet: They cock-a-doodle-doo.
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"Poker? I Barely Know Her" - 1x14
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Juliet: (on the phone) Hi, Mrs. Lassiter?
Mrs. Lassiter: Yes, who is this? What do you want?
Juliet: It's about your son.
Mrs. Lassiter: Oh, no! It's the phone call!
Juliet: Oh, no, no, no It's not that.
Mrs. Lassiter: Well then, who the hell are you?
Juliet: I'm his partner.
Mrs. Lassiter: But you're a woman.
Juliet: Yes, shocking isn't it.
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Gus: Well Mr. Peterson this sounds like a case for the police. Let me get you a number.
Shawn: Gus, don't be a gooey chocolate chip cookie.
Gus: What?
Shawn: That's precisely what we do here, find people.
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Shawn: Where? I don't know. (to Gus) Where do you go to hook up with guys you meet online?
Gus: That's not funny.
(Shawn laughs)
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Shawn: Wait! Wait, wait wait. The chips demand we stop the game.
Burger: What the hell is going on here?
Shawn: (Shawn puts a chip up against each ear) Shh.. I can't hear them if you're talking, Burger. What? Really? Are you guys sure about this? Chips say you're a cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater.
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"Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast" - 1x15
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Alice: Are you a crazy person?
Shawn: I was about to ask you the same thing, but I was going to add "who likes to make toast".
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Shawn: What I'm going to need from you is an article of clothing preferably an undergarment.
Juliet: Don't you usually get that from the victim?
Shawn: I've seen it both ways. I'm going to have to take a look around to see what I feel. Starting with the bedrooms.
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Juliet: I need a psychic to read the sorority house. Can you come by tonight?
Shawn: Can we wear pajamas?
Juliet: No.
Shawn: Even better.
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Juliet: (frustrated Juliet to Shawn) Met Alice Bundy today; not a shiny happy person.
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Juliet: Holy Shih Tzu!
Shawn: Excuse me?
Juliet: This nail polish is already starting to chip.
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